If Only
by Unknown Acceptance
Summary: Placed during season finale. Hope you like.
1. I'd tell her I love her

**Disclaimer : I don't own CSI. I don't own Grissom or** **Greg...even though I wish I did. Sigh.**

**This is supposed to take place during the season finale. I got the idea after I saw them about to shock someone. Hope ya like!**

Grissom looked on through the hospital glass as they shocked a member of his team. The doctors and nurses were in the way so he coudln't rightly see who it actually was. Getting oddly impatient, he began to try standing on tip toe but they finally moved. That is, they moved so they could get a defibrillator. He sucked in a harsh breath as he saw which part of his precious team was on the gurney. Sara Sidle.Grissom, now basically pushing his face against the glass, watching in horror as they charged the paddles.

"Charging 200. Clear!" yelled one of the dooctors before they shocked her chest. Nothing changed.

"charging 300. Clear!" he yelled again. Still, nothing changed. Grissom felt a tear go down his cheek and a hand on his shoulder. He barely turned his head and saw Catherine Willows standing next to him.

"Gil, she'll be alright." she tried to assure him. He nodded but didn't even believe himself.

"Charging 360. Clear!" the same doctor yelled.

"I've got a pulse! It's weak, but it's there." One of the nurses said before putting an oxygen mask on her face to help her breathe.

"Good. Keep it steady. As soon as the OR is ready, we need to get her upstairs and get this bullet out." Almost 60 seconds later, they were wheeling Sara out of the ER and to an elevator.

Catherine said something, he was sure, but Grissom couldn't hear her.  
He couldn't hear anything. And it wasn't because he was losing his hearing It was because he might be losing Sara. She lead him to what looked like a waiting room where Greg Sanders, Warrick Brown, and Nick Stokes all sat.  
Warrick had his head in his hands and seemed to be crying and Nick was saying something to him, obviously trying to calm him down. Greg just looked as if he was numb with pain and disbelief. Grissom sat down next to him, but Greg's gaze never moved from a random place on the floor.

Catherine sat down and put her arm around Grissom. "Grissom. I'm telling you. She'll be completely fine."

"If she can make it out of surgery." Warrick said bitterly.

"Hey! Don't think like that. Don't put negative stuff out there.  
All it will do is make you feel worse." Nick told him.

"I don't think I possibly could." he said, prompting another answer from Nick and even one from catherine.

"Will you all shut up? Don't you realize that Sara may die on that table? She could be gone forever and you really think she'd want us all to be sitting here fighting? Yea, no wait. She just loved it when we all never got along." Greg said sarcastically at the end before getting up out of his seat and walking out.

Grissom secretly envied him. He could walk out, express how he felt and Greg seemed like it never bothered him. Grissom on the other hand,  
He'd had trouble with that in the past. He took a deep breath, touched Cath on the shoulder and they both got up and walked over to a seperate part of the room. "Cath...if she dies...if I don't get to speak to her again..."

"You've realized it haven't you?" she asked, looking at him sideways.

"Realized what?"

"How much you care for Sara."

"Catherine..."

"Don't even start it. Do you remember the time we talked and you told me what she had said." She started before Grissom shook his head. "You said that she said, 'by the time you figure it out, it really might be too late.' Don't you think this might be kind of what she was talking about."

"No.I don't think she ever pictured herself getting shot."

"Grissom. I'm serious. You need to talk to her about this. I mean, think about how you're feeling right now when you know you might lose her forever. Isn't there anything you'd love to say to her right now, if you could?"

He thought for a second. "I'd tell her that I didn't ask her to come to Vegas just because she was...is a great Criminalist. I asked because I felt close to her. I'd tell her that I wish I had said yes, that time she asked me to dinner. Because now I do want to know what could happen"  
He sighed deeply. "I'd tell her I love her."

Catherine smiled sympathetically at her friend and touched his arm.  
"I hope you get to tell her that.

"I hope I do too."

(A/N: Kinda short and sappy, I know. But hey...more later!)


	2. What if I don't wake up?

Feeling a slight tap on his shoulder, Grissom opened his eyes. He had just begun to fall asleep. For the slightest moment, he thought it might be Sara. But that wasn't going to happen. He sighed and opened his eyes only to be greeted with the sight of Catherine Willows. "Is she doing okay?" he asked slowly, rubbing his eyes.

"Well, she's stable, and they got the bullet out easy enough but she's not awake yet." she told him.

Grissom slowly stood up, stretched, and followed Catherine down the hallway to Sara's room. Nick, Greg, and Warrick were standing outside, looking in through a glass, sliding door. He touched Nick on the shoulder. "Guys, go home, go to the lab, just get away. You need to get away from the hospital. If you don't, all that will happen is you'll slowly get sleepy, frustrated, and you'll wish you had been anywhere else. Look, I'll stay. I just slept, so I'll be okay."

After about five minutes, he had finally convinced them to leave. Grissom walked into the hospital room, his eyes never leaving her sleeping body. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to her bed. Almost instictively, he reached for her hand. It felt exactly like it had the other few times he'd held it. Soft, warm...forbidden. Those other times, she'd been feeling vulernable. Now she really was. Taking a deep breath, he sat back, and thought about those times.

He had held her hand after being told she had been pulled off the road because she had lucked her way out of a DUI. The other, it was after she had opened up to him about her parents and how her father was murdered. Before they could fall, he wiped a few more tears from his eyes. Leaning forward, he laid his head on the bed next to her hand, and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Sara Sidle felt numb. Her eyelids felt heavy and nothing felt real except the heaviness of her body. Sighing, she tried to open her eyes and could, except everything seemed a little fuzzy. The only thing that didn't belong in a hospital around her was the person holding her hand. Blinking a few times, her vision started to clear and she could see who it was. Her boss...Gil Grissom. Almost as if on instinct, her hand squeezed his lightly. Their hands fit together so well it seemed like they had been doing it for years. Like they would be doing it for years.

After taking a few deep breaths, she was finally able to at least make a sound. "Gil?" she said softly. He moved a bit, but still did not wake.

She moved her hand a little, shook it, and said his name again. This time, his head slowly raised. He looked at her as though he was seeing her for the first time all over again. There was a caring in his eyes that she had seen many times before...but not like this. His eyes were red and a bit puffy. He'd been crying.

Sitting up, he smiled at her, and she smiled back. Her eyes, though sad to leave his face, looked up at the clock. It was the next day. But the next day after what? "What happened?" she asked slowly.

"You were shot. Lost a lot of blood."

"My chest hurts..." she said as though it was all she needed to say to get an explanation from him.

It was. "They had to shock you. At least three times that I saw."

"Any lasting damage?"

"I don't think so." Grissom replied.

"Good...I think." Sara said. She laid a bit further in the bed, realizing all she had on was a thin hospital gown. I mean, not that Grissom might be looking through it...but still. "Where is everyone?"

"I sent them home. They were tired."

"But you stayed..."

"Yeah. I did." Grissom said softly, letting go of her hand. "I'm gonna go tell the nurse you woke up, okay?"

"No. Don't leave. I hate hospitals."

'I know why.' Grissom said in his head. He moved the chair closer and looked at Sara. "You need to rest. Think you can fall back asleep again?"

"I don't want to."

"Why?" he asked. Now both of them were whispering. The darkness and lowered voices made them feel like they were sharing a secret moment.

"What if I don't wake up again?..." she whispered back.

That made Grissom stop. He had been thinking that just a few hours ago. He managed a soft smile. "I promise. You'll wake up again. I'll stay. Besides, if you sleep, you'll have more energy for when everyone comes back."

Slowly nodding, Sara closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. He could tell in the way of her breathing. He stood up when he was sure she was asleep, pulled his phone out of his pocket, and called Catherine. "Tell everyone she woke up a few minutes ago. But no one comes by until shift. If you need to reach me, I'll be here."

Thankfully, Catherine didn't argue.

(A/N: A little bit longer. And I know. I couldn't kill Sara! That would be oh so mean.)


End file.
